Aw snap!

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
headspace-hotel
maeamian

Your average banana is about 150 cubic cm, but that’s too complicated for the math I want to do, and once its masticated you can put it in a smaller space so let’s just call it 100 cm^3. Eating a banana gives you a radiation dose of about 0.1 microsieverts, so ten bananas, or a thousand cubic centimeters of banana in your stomach, would give you one microsievert of radiation. The thing about radiation, is that it won’t kill you very much until you’ve gotten a lot of it, the maximum amount of radiation that astronauts are allowed to take in over their life is 1 sievert, which is the same as if you ate ten million bananas. In fact, even that doesn’t represent a significant danger to them because radiation is most deadly when it happens all at once, so a dose of about 4 sieverts is potentially fatal if it happens all at once, but the highest known non-fatal dose was around 64 sieverts administered (in deeply unethical circumstances) over 21 years, so if you ate about forty million bananas all at once you’d get a potentially lethal dose, but if you had eight thousand bananas for breakfast each morning you could survive the radiation. 

Now, I’m an astrophysicist not a biologist, so people who actually know things will have to forgive me when I say that the human stomach is probably not bigger than a 10x10x10 cm cube, I mean maybe it is, we played with those 10x10x10 cm cubes in math class and they weren’t *that* big, maybe the stomach is two of those, but honestly if I misplace a factor of two here or there it really doesn’t matter too much, I’m doing far worse things to the numbers here, but you certainly shouldn’t be citing anything I’m saying to the sort of precision where a factor of two should matter, I’m being very open about how approximated this is. Human beings, on a similar note, are probably about a cubic meter or two tops, one or two million cubic centimeters, or in other words, about ten or twenty thousand eaten bananas of volume, and the stomach is probably ten or twenty. I know the human digestive system, miracle that it is, is capable of expanding somewhat to fit its contents, but the upper bound on that has to be somewhere less than the entire volume of the human body it is contained in. So if you’ve stuck with me on this exciting journey, I can now lead you directly to the point I’ve been slowly building towards, which is this: If you want to give yourself acute radiation sickness you are going to have to find a method other than eating bananas. You cannot fit enough bananas inside you at any one time to fatally poison yourself with radiation.

nudityandnerdery

That you spent ten bucks to put this on my dash is a thing of beauty, bless the opportunities Blaze gives us.

maeamian

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tricktster
tricktster

I know this is a departure from my standard content but please for the love of god if it is at all possible for you to safely do so please go see Everything Everywhere All At Once.

I haven’t felt this way about about a movie since Sorry To Bother You, like… okay, TST lore that a solid chunk of you that haven’t read any fiction I’ve written wouldn’t know: I was a film major in college, my focus was on screenwriting, and I’d go as far as to say I was pretty fucking decent at it (in the “won awards with small cash prizes” sense, not the “ever actually got a movie made” sense). I write a lot for a living now, but it’s about as far from the entertainment industry as you can get, and I’m honestly cool with that. I was never gonna make it as a screenwriter, partially because I graduated directly into the 2008 depression and there was just NO paying entry-level work and I couldn’t even afford to move to LA to do the unpaid days/restaurant biz nights routine to get my foot in the door.

But like… if I had really, REALLY wanted it, I could have made some big personal sacrifices and found a way to at least be in the physical proximity of a pathway to getting paid to write. I didn’t, because after four years of film studies, the luster of working in Hollywood had worn off entirely. I really lost my passion about 3/4 of the way through my degree, because I had to confront a wildly unpleasant reality: even though there were no real limits on what a film could theoretically be, there were still a ton of VERY real limits on the type of film that could get made.

As a woman without any name recognition or inside connections, I was already at a big disadvantage; as a woman who wanted to write maximalist action/sci-fi/comedy about protagonists who weren’t exclusively white cis men, I concluded that there wasn’t much of a point in subjecting myself to grinding for years just to get the opportunity at an unpaid internship where I could expect routine abuse, since I didn’t have a fucking shot at ever ever EVER seeing my stuff get made.

Like this was an industry that concluded audiences wouldn’t pay to see a franchise superhero movie about a woman - ANY woman - for like 20 years just because fucking Catwoman flopped. And there I was, writing feature-length original screenplays that required at least SOME sfx budget, movies where you couldn’t just swap the disabled, queer, POC protagonists out for the usual white action heroes without destroying the underlying plot. I left film school honestly resenting the time I’d wasted on an industry that would never want to make the sort of things that I wanted to make, just because some elderly and incredibly wealthy white dudes I’d never meet or speak with had decided that people wouldn’t pay to see them.

I’m sharing this with you so you understand exactly what I mean when I say that it’s imperative that you guys see this movie if it’s even remotely possible for you to do so. Other than noting that it’s a maximalist sci-fi/action/comedy starring two upper-middle aged (as far as Hollywood is concerned) actors born in Malaysia and Vietnam respectively, playing the first generation immigrant parents of a queer daughter who steals the fucking show… god, I don’t want to spoil even a second of Everything Everywhere All At Once for any of you, so I’ll just say this:

When I left the theater the other night, the first thing I said to the guy I went with was “God, it’s a good thing that movie didn’t come out when I was in high school.”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“It would have made me want to go to film school.”

tricktster

Also, and I can’t believe I neglected to mention this, there’s a prominently featured elderly character whose wheelchair transforms into a battle mech exoskeleton, permitting him to use his martial arts skills to plow through waves of enemy mooks. Since my senior thesis screenplay ALSO heavily featured an elderly character with a wheelchair that transforms into a battle mech, permitting him to use his martial arts skills to plow through waves of enemy mooks… i cannot adequately describe the sheer satisfaction of seeing that on screen and having it be SO MUCH COOLER than my own mental image of what that fight would look like.

Also also Jamie Lee Curtis is so fucking incredible in it, and for what it’s worth Hollywood has done her dirty (in no small part because of the transphobic rumors that followed her basically her whole career), though not HALF as dirty as what it did to Ke Huy Quan when the cute child actor roles dried up and the only work anyone would offer him was like Generic Asian Villain 2. Needless to say, it’s a delight to watch them both get to play these human, fascinating, very very REAL characters… and then transform to indomitable warriors in the blink of an eye. Especially Ke Huy in that one scene where you first see him in action man, holy shit.